I absolutely love my morning quiet time. My favorite is getting up on a morning when I don’t have any time limitations and put on some soothing instrumental music while I read my bible, pray and study. Hot coffee, cozy blanket, and my favorite hoody are the additional accoutrements to make it even better.
This morning I turned on the music and a song popped up I had never heard before called “Equanimity.” My immediate thought was ‘that’s not a word.’ So I immediately looked it up and found it is probably my new favorite word. 1. e·qua·nim·i·ty [ˌekwəˈnimədē] NOUN 1. mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation: "she accepted both the good and the bad with equanimity" synonyms: composure · calm · level-headedness I have always been someone whose emotions were all over the place. I struggled with hyper-joy in some circumstances and extreme depression in others. While sometimes, during times of stress or hurriedness, I may seem like I’m out of control, I’m really not. I just believe strongly in something called ‘sense of urgency’ when it comes to helping or taking care of others or certain situations. Many years ago, when my children were little I learned a very hard and very regrettable lesson when I took a bite out of a chocolate Easter Bunny’s ear. I remember that soon after I began raging like a banchee, scaring the living daylights out of my kids. I didn’t hit them or anything of that sort, but they just stood gazing with their eyes wide. That was when I began to realize I had a problem with sugar. Over the years, I have realized that my mood and behavior swings weren’t only related to food, but also to my heart and mind. As I purposed counseling and deliverance, and grew deeper in my relationship with Jesus, I began to notice that my extreme mood swings were leveling out. I wasn’t quite as crazy and prone to these abstracts in behaviors. Now, I rarely get truly mad and usually take most situations with a grain of salt as it were-equanimity. This year, for Christmas, Father God gave me a wonderful gift. During the holidays, I was watching TV and a show happened to be on about brain health. My mother passed away with Alzheimer’s after a 17 year battle and I learned so much during that experience. We heard some supposed statistic many years ago that there was a 50% chance of getting this disease if a parent has it. My younger brother and I have joked that our other 2 siblings would get it or that they should put us away together when we get it. Because of this experience, I have purposed and prayed that I wouldn’t be subject to this horrible problem and wouldn’t put the care on my family. So what was my gift from God? This TV show and the accompanying book and program. The realization and understanding that we can pray for God to heal us, but if we don’t take responsibility and do our part, then we can’t expect Him to take us out of a situation of our own doing. Here are some of the things I realized during the time with my Mom and her battle: 1) You have to keep your brain healthy and active. When she married my step-dad, he had the means to take very good care of her. She was 60 and had worked most of her life. She no longer had to work and she began to live the life of a leisurely housewife, playing golf, entertaining, and enjoying life, her dream. There was no critical thinking involved, no working on hard problems, not having to solve intricate problems. All the while, my step-dad managed the finances, managed investments, learned new technology, and continued to grow his brain. Soon after their marriage, my Mom began to show signs of slipping. In the end, he lived with her longer in the throws of Alzheimer’s than he did with her healthy and to this day, his mind is sharp and active. Very sad. However, because he had the means, she had excellent care. They couldn’t reverse the disease, but because of her level of care, they kept her brain firing. This means, that the home kept her moving, kept her in activities, which is what kept her alive for so long with the disease. The average life-span is only about 10 years after diagnosis, while she lived 17 years after diagnosis. Critical thinking, continuing to learn new things, and paying attention to the things that go into your body that affect your brain is what will keep you mentally sharp as you age. I noticed that when I eat junk, I tend to have more brain fog which affects my ability to think. When I work on projects that require me to really pay attention and think, then my mind is sharper as a result. This TV program confirmed that. I want to live long with a healthy mind and it is my responsibility to manage that. I can’t pray and expect God to keep me sharp if I’m not willing to do my part. 2) Managing and maintaining our spiritual life is absolutely necessary. I have mentioned it many times that my precious mom never experienced the extreme anger, foul language and out of control behavior that many dementia patients experience. I know beyond all doubt it was because of her spiritual life. I have many memories of watching my mom read her Bible, and kneel beside her bed to pray. She and my dad prayed at their bedside every night. The last count before she could no longer do so, she had read the Bible through 50 times. She read it through every year and sometimes twice a year since she got saved. She studied the word and taught many classes. The word of God was deep in her and when she could no longer speak intelligently or carry on a conversation, she could quote scripture and sing hymns or her favorite praise songs. This gave her a deep peace that went beyond the disease. So much so, that the nursing home would take their agitated patients and seat them next to my precious mom. Her very presence calmed them and made them more manageable for the staff. Truly a peace that passeth understanding. 3) God took care of her when no one else could. I remember sitting with her once, long after she no longer knew who I was. I was so grieved because I had seen some looks on her face that I believed were fear. When dementia patients brains can’t make sense of what is going on, sometimes they are afraid. They can’t understand conversations and circumstances and feel very vulnerable. So as I saw this look, it broke my heart because even if when I told her everything was ok, she couldn’t understand it in the natural. I began to sing and the look subsided. Every time I left her during those days, I would get in my car and cry. I would often pray for God to take her so she wouldn’t have to be afraid any more. He very sweetly told me that she was no longer there. All that was here on this earth was her shell that was physically reacting as the brain gave direction. I was shocked. Now I can’t prove that by any means, and I know doctors and others would discount that thought. But it gave me such peace because I could see her sitting with Jesus and laughing. Her body was still alive, but her spirit was safe in His loving arms. After that experience, I never really cried or got upset because I knew she was OK. Father God, whom she loved and lived with for so long, had taken care of her when no one else could. On this earth, we can only do what we can do. It is our responsibility to take care of our health and our brain and to do what the Lord has for us to do. My Christmas present from my Father was the knowledge and understanding that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and we must take care of ourselves in order to fulfill His purposes. To live with equanimity. My mom fulfilled her purpose and most of my memories of her was a wonderful, loving mom. She left this earth in peace and joy and has left behind a legacy of His love and grace. I love you Mom. Thank you for the gift of equanimity.
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AuthorI'm a wife, Mom, grandma, teacher, friend... Lived a while and still have some living to do. Archives
October 2021
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